Begin Again

March 1st. The year 2014.

I look back over my 24 years and the word REGRET is in block capital letters. I should not have done that, I should have done this, I should have trusted myself, the list of REGRETS go on. Today as I listened to Joel Osteen’s ‘Move Forward’ message in youtube, I kept crying as the pain in my heart is still real. The number 1 regret on my list is – ‘I wish I had trusted myself more.’

I don’t think we are taught about trusting ourselves. We are taught to turn to teachers, parents, elders, preachers, friends, those who have travelled on our path before. We are told to enquire of those who were in similar situations as we are and we are instructed to do likewise. But, we are never taught to trust ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, all of the above ways has its merits. I would have avoided a few silly mistakes in my life had I listened to my friends.

But, what I am talking about is that you will never travel my path-never. And I will never travel your path-ever. So, I will never be able to know what is best for you; and vice versa.

If anyone – atleast one person had taught me the importance of trusting myself, I am 100% sure I would not be in the situation that I am in. I believe trusting yourself has a lot to do with putting yourself first. You cannot learn to trust yourself if you don’t learn to put yourself first. Because trusting yourself means you give preference to your feelings – Why do I always feel like I should not spend time with her? Why do I feel bad whenever I am around him?

When your feelings scream one thing – you should listen. You should ask yourself – there must be some reason I feel like I shouldn’t go out with her/spend time with them. Trust yourself or atleast give yourself some space from this person/people/situation and literally stop spending time with them. If this is not possible, gradually decrease the amount of time you spend with them. Only then will you be able to see the truth. Only then will the answers unfold. I don’t know the psychological reason behind this. But, it is a fact.

There is a sociological theory which I learnt in college (I think!) where a person is send by the police to a group involved in illegal activities in order to collect evidence against them. This person appears as a new member to the group. The group welcomes the new member. After 1-2 weeks, the new member is instructed by the police to return and submit the evidence they have gathered. However, here comes the interesting part – a few ‘helpers’ are unwilling to submit the evidence they have collected against the group. This is because this person has become so emotionally involved with the group that the thought of turning them in has become unthinkable. Even though that was the sole reason they joined the group. So, that is why I said that you need to distance yourself from situations that doesn’t feel right to you, so the veil over your eyes can be lifted.

I need to do justice to the title of this post and talk about New Beginnings. 

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know how old you are. I don’t know what your situation is. I don’t know how much of a mess your life is in right now or has been. I don’t know what your past has been. But, I do know one thing – your eyes are circling around this page for a reason. It is no coincidence that you are reading this. Christ led you here. You need a fresh start. A New Beginning. 

However, the thing is you need to make a fresh start, a new beginning. It won’t automatically happen. God has a new beginning planned just for you. However, you need to receive it, by faith.

Start with prayer. Then, sit and think. Take out a sheet of paper. Write. Just write. Anything. Get it all out. Cry if you have to. Cry how much ever you want. But Just make sure when you’re finished crying, you never cry for the same reason again. Forgive yourself – this will take time. Don’t expect sudden miracles – it doesn’t work that way. Receive God’s forgiveness..and know that you haven’t done too much wrong..there is still time for you. This time, learn from your mistakes – stop blaming yourself, God and other people and situations. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Love yourself. You have enough people in life against you, without having to be against yourself. This too will take time.

Cherish yourself. Hug yourself. Be your own best friend. And this time make sure that you build a life that is so beautiful and wonderful.

Here are a few pointers –

1) Every day listen to God’s word. In Youtube. Thank you God for technology. Listen to Terri Savelle Foy, TD Jakes, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Lisa Osteen Comes. My personal favourite is Terri Savelle Foy.

2) Write everyday. Journal your thoughts.

3) Get rid of toxic people from your life. If you can’t get rid of them, atleast reduce the time you spent with them. Listen to Terri Cole – SpringCleaning in Youtube.

4) Visit and read Terri’s articles and the free magazine – Routine.

5) Stay true to yourself. Listen to Tara Brach – Remembering What Matters in Youtube.

6) Laugh EVERY. SINGLE. day. I repeat – every single day. 😀 Watch Just for Laughs in Youtube. Find funny sitcoms to watch- like Friends, Big Bang Theory, My wife and kids. Watch funny movies.

7) There should be a healthy child in every adult. Awaken the child in you. Watch Ratatouille, The Princess and The Frog, Despicable Me, Monsters University. Go out and play with your kids, friends, partners. Go out by yourself. Go to the park and sit on the swings everyday. You will see new things.

8) Go into Blockbuster and rent some movies.

9) Go to the cinemas and watch a movie every week. Hey, why not?

10) Eat out more often (not recommended if you are jobless,lol).

11) Read Love Your Life by Victoria Osteen.

12) Read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

13) Read The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.

14) Read How to Succeed at Being Yourself by Joyce Meyer. Watch the video with the same title in Youtube.

15) Have an ice cream – cone ice cream – don’t buy it from a shop. Get it from an ice cream van.

16) Read books by Sophie Kinsella.

17) Read books by Cecelia Ahern, Melissa Hill, Melissa Nathan.

18) Pray everyday. Watch Father’s Love Letter in Youtube.

So people, it is all a matter of you making a decision – a decision to move on with your life. When you wake up tomorrow morning, make this decision again. Make this decision again the next day.

Bon Voyage. And remember, God is in you and with you wherever you go, so you have every right and reason to trust yourself. 🙂 And God says – I love you my Child. Come back to me! 🙂


Dream Again

I know without a shadow of doubt that God is right now telling me to ‘dream again’. My heart is broken because I was and still am a ‘nice’ person. I am so nice that anyone would love me! But, this niceness has caused me more pain than you could even imagine. I was so nice that I confused ‘if you forgive, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive, your Father will not forgive your sins’ in the bible with ‘Be an IDIOT,let other people treat you however they want because that is love’. What a load of rubbish! I made a HUGE mess in my life last year and it has affected me and a few other people in my life. Over an year later, as I sit nursing my wounds (still!), I got this revelation that if I can choose to change my response to other people’s actions, the vice versa is also true. Now, I am not making excuses for what I did. But what I did will never be considered ‘bad’ in any universe. Stupid maybe, but not ‘bad’. Yet, the people around me has made sure that they are not going to let me get away with it. I felt relaxed as this revelation hit me that no matter how hard I pray and smile at them, it IS up to them to see that my intentions for THAT (STUPID) decision were pure and good. I cannot change the past. I can learn from it. But, if I am waiting for these others to come and give me a hug and say, “Sweetie, we understand you”, I will be waiting a long time. 

I am now choosing to –

1) Let go of the past;

2) Stop being a nice person and be more sensible;

3) Stop letting people verbally and emotionally abuse me even if they are family;

4) Stop trying to ”MAKE” people understand me and my actions;

5) Dream again.

Dreaming again – this for me is going to require being myself. And being myself is going to require getting my old self back and this is not going to be easy. Because I have hurt myself so much that I know only God can heal me. But, I believe and I know that God Jesus sees my heart. He knows I am ready to jump off the cliff and leave everything behind for him!